Today I November 2, 2007

… inadvertantly insulted a fat woman.

Oh shit.  I just did it again.

The World’s Most Liberal Hybrid July 22, 2007

Often found parked outside libraries, new age bookstores, bead shops and food co-ops, the World’s Most Liberal Hybrid strives to defeat the status quo through an array of stark counter cultural messages.

The Liberal Hybrid emits rays of un-correlated coincidence that will cause independent viewers to question obvious causal relationships. When confronted by rational debate, it will quickly invoke Godwin’s Law, a tactic bound to derail even the most ardent disputant. But although Liberal Hybrid is a formidable foe, it does have its weaknesses. A framed photograph of Vice President Dick Cheney will cause both engines to instantly sieze and smolder with rage.

Pregnant women are advised not to approach the World’s Most Liberal Hybrid, as it has the power to perform abortions to a range of fifteen meters. Contrary to popular belief, however, it cannot turn you gay. This is an ability possessed only by the Geo Tracker with Rainbow Sticker and Pink Triangle or any Kia.

half-truths July 11, 2007

People ask why I always leave my IM client on. I do it because every now and then people feel the need to share thoughts like this with me:

5:33:49 PM dasmb: I would like to write a small chapbook of snarky rejoinders to popular bromides.
5:34:30 PM dasmb: “A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. But it’s much faster if you drive.”
5:35:21 PM dasmb: “You can’t make an ommelette without breaking some eggs. But you can make oatmeal, and that’s much healthier.”
5:35:48 PM dasmb: “Knowing is half the battle. The other half is murder.”

An Puerile Jape June 13, 2007

The iPhone’s user interface is more mature than that of other cellular telephones.

Know how you can tell?

It takes two fingers.

I am telling you this because I love you May 31, 2007

Bro’s Tacos, on the corner of Morris and Ontario in Albany, is fucking great, and a welcome addition to the Capital Region’s cadre of really bitchin’ Mexicali cuisine.

Bro’s takes a welcomely artistic approach to taco production. Rather than putting the taco artists at your beck while you decide what goes best with steak and black beans, Bro’s menu consists of ten highly imaginative taco styles based around the method used to prepare the filling. And what fillings — along with the defacto ground beef and deliciously seasoned chicken, you’ve got beer battered fish and pineapple grilled shrimp. The carne asada taco is melded with pico de gallo and a sumptuous avacado lime sauce, while the citris marinated pork taco is joined by cotija cheese and a homemade pinapple lime salsa with crispy diced bits of pineapple. The flavors are well crafted — there’s just enough cilantro, nothing is super spicy, every element plays an important role, and everything tastes a little bit different.

I really enjoy this approach. Having it my way is great, but there’s something to be said about picking from a fleet of authentic, delicious combinations riding proudly atop a pair of soft, folded corn tortillas (yes, a pair — you get two per taco, a great way to avoid the stress of the inevitable tear).  They’ll gladly pop the top off a sweet Mexican soda for you, something I highly suggest.  If you’re eating at home, a nice bottle of cheap Gerwurtztraminer would do you as well, the only wine on the planet that tastes good along side cilantro.

Prices are fair, with tacos set at $2 and $2.50, $6 with a side of wicked good rice and beans. At heart a moderately fast takeaway joint, the interior is sparse with a counter along the wall and a single table for eat in dining, which means it’s fairly claustrophobic — if you’re having a party, you’ll want to bring those tacos home. And there’s a bench on the side of the building that lets you eat while taking in the local color of Morris Avenue.

Okay, that last bit was facetious, but what can I say? Food this good just might change a street. (****-)

Exposed: The Seedy Underbelly of Cape Cod May 30, 2007

Exposed: The Seedy Underbelly of Cape Cod

… it’s hard to visit cape cod and not get drawn into the underground lobster-fighting circuit. There’s big money to be made there, and even when you lose, you leave with a great dinner.

Five Preposterous Things I Want for My Birthday May 16, 2007

• A 1998 Cesna 172S with leather seats, amphibious pontoons and a Garmin G1000 “glass cockpit.”

• A charismatic Green Party president, a beligerent Senate full of Eisenhower Republicans and a Supreme Court stocked with weary libertarians.

• A specially recorded Radio One session of my favorite Nirvana tunes featuring Barret Martin on drums, Jack White on guitar, Dr. Lonnie Smith on the Hammond B-3 Organ, vocals by Mark Lanegan and Speedo, and an ounce of really mellow hydroponic weed.

• A Canon 5D with 50mm f/1.2L lens and the phone number of a aspiring twentysomething model who “just loves” being naked, especially in public spaces with intriguing interplay of light and shadow.

• A glass of gin, a long, slow handjob and some words of encouragement.

“The Dream Case” May 9, 2007

Here’s another one for you brew-freaks:

The Dream Case - 24 Great American Craft Beers You Should Be Drinking

May 14-20 is American Craft Beer Week, celebrating the hundreds independent brewers in the US. To paraphrase Jim Koch, founder of Samuel Adams Brewing Company, these guys make less beer in a year than Anheuser-Busch spills in a day. But their passion comes through in the incredible colors, aromas and flavors of their brews.

I asked two top craft beer experts for their 12 favorite American craft beers.

Six reasons Namor is a badass (Are you listening, Aquaman?) May 7, 2007

1. Might send a irradiated leviathon to crush Midtown because a tourist hucked an empty Capri-Sun pouch over the side of the Staten Island Ferry.
2. Became a member of the “I Knocked Out the Hulk” club back when it meant something.
3. Will occasionally take a break from punching the Invisible Woman repeatedly in the face to seduce her. It usually works.
4. Knows his domain. If your emergency doesn’t involve the sea, he ain’t coming. So fuck you, Iron Man.
5. Has elf ears, a fucked-up flat top and little faggot fish panties and still looks tough.
6. Even though it makes absolutely no sense for the King of Atlantis to do so, he can fly. Don’t question it!

About this post: Ryan helped some.

Five Books I Never Read (But Claim I Did) May 1, 2007

James Joyce, Ulysses

Richard Brautigan, Trout Fishing in America

Nathaniel Hawthorne, The House of Seven Gables

Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I hear they’re good.